You are 11 and I am Scared ( and Proud)

Dear KC,


Tomorrow you are going to be 11. How time flies, ha? I try to deny it, but yet it's true. As I type this blogpost, I am working but secretly hoping I'd rather be home cuddling you and just doing nothing or maybe we do that favorite thing I do to you---combing your hair for 100 brushstrokes because you believed what I told you about --- doing this makes your hair so shiny.

 Yes, my dear, I love every single thing you tell me to do. I may seem busy at times and yelling more often, but I do take note of those little things we do together. Oh, how we love to giggle in bed past your bedtime and how your Dad makes such a big fuss about it. I love it when you seem so innocent of things---and I wish to protect you from the world. I love seeing your big brown eyes when you get excited---they shine like huge big light bulbs. I love it when you tell me to stop telling the world you are beautiful--that you know you are but I shouldn't tell everyone. How can I not? YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Inside and out. 


Which brings me to think--- what did I do to deserve you? You are such a gentle soul. At times of course you fight with your brothers, you mess up your dresser, you "forget" to clean your room, you brushed your teeth last night already(?), don't know where your shoes are, can't find your socks, lose your purse, don't like your ponytails, the lotion is too sticky for you, forget your homework and you brilliantly reason out why you did not ace your test in school. Oh, the joys you bring me.

What did I do right to deserve having a wonderful gift like you? If I know, I'd do it over and over. You are a blessing to me. It is you who looks at me in the eyes and tells me it is alright, that I should smile and stop crying. It is you who reminds me - --- just by being your vibrant self-- that life is beautiful, that I can be the same happy person everyday. Yes dear, you do these and more. I thank God every night for a lifetime blessing and every time I close my eyes and recollect, the pain and all the memories that goes with it just slip away because you and the joy you bring overshadows everything. For that alone,  I am blessed.


I know you have so many dreams and these dreams are within your grasp. I am confident you will  reach your stars. Now that you are a so called tween, I know there are so many changes in your life. Middle school is going to be tough---peer pressure and all that comes with it. Do not let the little obstacles of your youth hinder your dreams, neither should you let the foolishness of youth slow down your bright path to success. We have talked endlessly ( I am sure you and your brothers are tired of it) about drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and even sex. I know you are extremely intelligent enough to understand me. There will be many people who will tell you otherwise, but always remember you are a special person. A true gift. Do not let drugs and alcohol define your young life. Remember I told you, do not be swayed by others, instead sway them to what is good. If all else fails, go back to who you are--- the values we have taught you is the core of who you are. God, family, love, respect, loyalty, hardwork and social awareness. If you follow these, you will be brought back to what makes you the person me and your dad have envisioned you to be.

Let me thank you for the joy you bring. I may be a little dramatic right now but allow me please little darling. I can not tell you how my heart is overflowing with happiness everytime I get to talk with your teachers and  other parents at school who are all happy to have you around. If happiness is tangible ( word of the day?), mine would be as huge as the universe and the milky way. Truly, I can not thank you enough for being my inspiration to get up everyday and work hard so I can come closer to my own dream----since I had you, I dream of only one thing--- to see you and your brothers live the life you love. Yes, my dear, I may sway you in a different direction with your life ( because I am a know-it-all Mom?), but  I am confident you can focus and venture on your own. What really matters to me is for you to have a life that you LOVE. All the fame, money and luxury life brings with your hardwork is just icing on the cake. I want you to live your life fully, love life and treasure our memories.  Thank you for your smile, your talent and your warm embraces---lest we forget your sweet kisses. Thank you for your polite compliments with my hair and thank you for cooking with me---and eating what we cooked together because no one else will!  And I can go on and on....thank you for your sweet little notes, thank you for shopping with me and nope, I won't forget--thank you for whispering I love you all.the.time. That just seals it!

And that is why I am so Scared. Yes, I am a Scared Mom. I am Scared that the world would hurt you, that Life will disenchant you or I will disappoint you. I am so scared of so many things for so many different reasons but my greatest fear right now is losing my little baby because she is growing up to be a beautiful girl. It may sound cliche and selfish but I want you to be my little girl forever. I can just see you twitching your pouty little lips right now and giving me that side look that you so perfectly execute when you feel I am overly protective. I am Scared alright. I am Scared that soon you won't hug Dad in front of everyone, soon you will go shopping with your friends and not with me, soon you spend spa time with your BFF and not MFF ( mom friend forever). I am Scared because you might spend all your free time on the phone and not reading your books, I am Scared because family movietime might become so rare because you'd spend time hanging out with your friends, I am Scared, I am Scared. I am Scared you might cut your long flowy hair short out of teenage urge, because Dad loves your long hair. I am Scared you won't eat with me in our favorite restaurant ( Bertucci's, hello) because you are watching your food intake, I am Scared you won't come with me shopping at craft stores and Lowe's because it is not cool at all. I am Scared because vacations will be harder to plan because you and your brothers will have your own lives. I am Scared some ugly  hearthrob football player will break your heart. I am Scared Bitchy Little Cheerleader will break your confidence. Hell yeah, I am Scared. And Mommy Scaredy has a whole list why she is Scared. But I tell you this, I am confident you are going to be the young lady I envisioned you to be.

Confident
Intelligent
Repectful
Focused
God fearing
Family oriented

Yes I believe so. I am Scared but I am also Proud. OK, I am more Proud than Scared. I am Proud of who you are and I am sure you will surpass all my expectations. There is no glass ceiling for you my dear. Soar high and you can be anyone you want to be. Pray always and keep a glowing fire of good intentions in your heart and nothing is impossible. I have heard you share your dreams and if you do achieve them, no one will be happier than me.

So go on, little angel. Enjoy your day and today marks a new life chapter for you. I was gifted when I had you. I was gifted with a great blessing--- a child who can make life beautiful. So today, I pray our Father Almighty shower you with abundant love and blessing to last a lifetime.

I love you. Dad loves you. Kuya and Ading love you. A whole lot of people love you. Because you are Special.

I am Scared, but not anymore.

Kisses,

Mom