I have not blogged for a very long time. I have no excuse for that. Not that I was planning to make up an excuse. I guess my last entry was my sister's 50th birthday celebration. I have written a lot of materials ( for my personal enjoyment) and have joined public speaking contests but it is funny to say that it still felt surreal. Once again I had this adrenaline rush that is wanting to let go, like a thunderous, dark night that could not wait for the glorious morning. I had so many ideas, topics and a convolution of all things beautiful. I did not know what to say. I felt all I say is nothing compared to the exceptional life my sister leads.
So, for a very long time, I did not want to write, not even when I am aching to do so. I do not consider myself a prolific writer, needless to say, I am far from that. There is just something in me that loves to express what is within the anals of my overly crowded, chaotic brain. Sometimes, I start with something and end up with seemingly unrelated topic. It frustrates me enough that I would scrap the whole written material. I have written a dark, open missive to everyone, something that I personally believe is written very well, but I can not share it to you now because it would not make sense. After all it was meant to be known when all have seen and understood me. Suffice to say, that will not be in the near future.
Milestones seem to make you melodramatic, if not overly sensitive altogether. Most of us have been through a lot of milestones. I know my 13th birthday will forever be the standard of my milestones. No, I did not celebrate my teenage with a big celebration, nor it started a different way of life. It's just that I have looked forward to it much of my childhood, that I believe I lost my childhood looking forward to teen life. Sweet sixteen was not much of a big deal for me, not even the 18th birthday which is more of the bigger day for ladies in the Philippines. I am the champion of "why-should-I-spend-so-much-when-so-many-are-starving", so I had to live my life in its simplest form. To many, especially parents, graduation is a milestone. It seems that graduation from college to some extent does not only mean that... a degree. There is so much more to it. Pride, honor and social achievement. In fact, it is a fulfillment, not only to the graduating individual but to the family as a whole, or it can also be a realization of a dream not achieved in the past. Weddings, weddings, weddings.... it is a social event, a ceremonial toast, but most of all, it is a milestone. It calls for the grandest dress, the most beautiful flowers, and the most important guests. It seems the higher the position of the guests in politics and society, the more the wedding is talked about in the social radar!
But, let me not dwell so much into milestones of the so called norm. For if I have to discuss everything in this facet, it will include a whole new meaning to my intended writing. It will include promotions, travels, divorce and all that we can imagine, on our personal experiences and whatever we consider milestones in our real world, in fact, I consider my first travel to Manila as milestone... Tagalog ba naman ang salita? Milestone talaga!
I am 32 now, I have so much more to experience, I know. At the same time, I have owned so much years in this life that I can proudly say I have wisened enough to claim some authority in my life. Let me share to you what has become my milestones, everyday milestones if we can categorize it as such. My children will tell you what my milestones are. In fact Christopher, my eldest says he " should" be my favorite for the sole reason that he is my first child, therefore, HE MADE ME A MOM. That is a milestone! What could be greater a milestone than the experience of motherhood. Let me not sugarcoat childbirth. It is a magical experience, we often hear. We have read so many materials regarding the beauty of childbirth, the life changing twist of it. Lest, we forget it is also a total sacrifice and awfully painful experience. Yet, I agree, it is a beautiful, indescribable feeling. It is a euphoria of all emotions, a simulation of life and death. So, yes! Milestone number one... MOTHERHOOD. I can not, even with the thesaurus beside me, extract enough words and meaningful emotion to actually write to do justice to this great word, MOTHER. I remember a worldwide survey, regarding the most beautiful English word. The run away winner of course, MOTHER. What a sweet word, beautiful indeed!
In between motherhood and my 32nd birthday there are many milestones. First day of school was great for my kids. I took so many pictures, all pictures combined for preschoolers. So, it has been a roller coaster ride. Flying to the United States will always be a milestone. One of the most difficult decision in my life. You see, a lot of folks would prefer to come to the US, not me. No, no. Do not get me wrong. I do want to see the US, but I never really imagined myself living abroad. As I have mentioned, I prefer a simple life. Friends and family around me, that makes me complete. Traveling is a priority in my to do list. I have never imagined to be away. In fact, the reason I did my internship at the Fort Boniface Hospital is because I want to be commissioned in the Army. But, family and love prevailed. My husband is in the US, so my family should be. So, my friends, I have to decide not only for my future but my children. It has been a good life over all. Life is what we make it. It was difficult the first few years. In fact, the mere meeting of friends have elicited a "milestone" feeling in me.
Recently though, there have been little milestones in my life. KC turned 7, I decided this is a very important part of her life. I organized a big party for her. I invited all her classmates in kindergarten and first grade, all my personal friends who have been instrumental with my family. I bought a beautiful dress fit for a princess, a pair of shoes more expensive than mine, a shawl, a crown and everything a girl wants. It was a successful event. Almost everyone showed up, well, at least the people that mattered. Then, school started September. A month or so into the new school year, I have experienced another milestone. Christopher, my eldest, received an academic scholarship to join the Saturday classes at Milton Academy. In their website, it states that the scholarship is awarded to gifted children who otherwise would not be able to afford the Milton Academy matriculation. Of all the fourth graders in Lincoln - Hancock Community School, he was chosen. You see, this is a community outreach program of the elite boarding school. Our city, Quincy is alloted for 4-6th grades. So, the whole of Quincy my son is one of the few chosen by the school committee to harness his innate talent. Although each town is alloted a number of spots, teachers do not necessarily recommend just anyone to fill the spot. A student has to demonstrate academic excellence and curiosity and the willingness to learn more. Courses include architecture, spy and photography. They try to cover all interests that would otherwise be ignored either because of lack of teachers, time or finance. In fact, Ms. Hunter approached me and told me she wanted to tell me the news herself, that she thinks Christopher deserves to be that student for the year. With this opportunity, he has secured a spot till the 6th grade. This milestone would be hard to follow, my husband Chris, even shed tears after the news.
But, lo and behold! Last week, I went to pick up Carmina from school early because she was throwing up.... oh yes, did I tell you staying in the lobby of the Philippine Heart Center for 2 nights and 3 days is a milestone? Yes, tending to sick children is! There was a dengue epidemic at that time when Christopher had a bad case of pneumonia, boy he was not even 2 months! There was no room available, I believed my pediatrician so much, I did not want to be in anybody else's care, so I have to bear the pain of staying in the lobby. I am glad, nothing catastrophic like that happened again. back to KC throwing up, while I was at the school's office, Kc's teacher congratulated me. I was surprised, but I just kept my wondering to myself. Exiting from the school, Miss Royal, Christopher's 3rd grade teacher congratulated me... again? So I finally asked? " Well, the school just announced that Chris is one of the students whose essay was picked to be considered for the essay writing competition citywide." We just have to wait, if he could be one of the top three, because out of all the entries from all students, 10 are chosen from each category, then they will pick the top 3 from that. I was already proud, just for that.
Three weeks later, we heard the good news! Although not the first place, Chris was 3rd place in his category. 5th graders beat him to it. Well, not bad. In fact I was totally floored. This time, I was able to see his winning essay. You see, they wrote the essay by themselves in school, so there was really no outside help. The topic? The Importance of Quality Education. Everything else in the essay was awesome, But I love the last sentence, " Quality education is important because you see if all kids have quality education it will greatly improve all our lives and the whole country." What a great citizen.
As apparent ( would blatant do? ) as it is, my life is totally different now. Maybe not. Maybe just what highlights my day is different. If going to the Sangria-La Mall was a highlight before, going to PTA meetings do now. If going to Luz facial Care to do rituals of beauty was the day's top on the to do list, now it is making sure that my kids doctor appointments won't clash with dance lessons or any other activity. I literally was very much focused on myself. I am provided with all that I need. I did not have to buy my Guess shoes, my sisters did. I did not have to envy people waddling in the famed hotels of Manila, my sister Joy made sure I was socially visible. I did not have to vie (buy, would do to other people) for attention, my Ta tang was proud enough for me. So I guess, my life is different, my children made it that way. They made it more satisfying and worth living.
I never imagined that a little Boy's essay would make me cry. I am a very critical person when it comes to writing, be it the sentence composition or the grammar. Be wary of wrong spellings, I hate it! Yet, I cried when I saw his essay. Sprinkled with grammatical errors, I ignored it. I was focused with the content. Yes, I am humbled. Sometimes, we do not have to be so greatly critical of little things such as where to place the comma, but should look at the entire content or if we are referring to friends, to look at the whole person and not focus with the little imperfections, in fact it's what make it totally beautiful.
My life is full of surprises, sometimes, too much to bear. Pressures of work, joys of A ( A minus is unacceptable), crazy schedules, dizzying double shifts, piled up bills, shopping galores and endless karaoke parties. Life is full of ironies. Just when you feel down, a smiling Joshua comes. Just wen you think you have reached the glass ceiling, you go higher than the stratus clouds up in the bright blue sky! My life is a beautiful, not perfect but fulfilling. I have a long way to go. But as long as I keep my "milestones" to what matters in life, then it will simplify my world. Why do I need more anyway? I do not need expensive chinas, 60 inch HDTV, a month long vacation to Europe, nor do I need a visit to Dr. Belo! I am contented with what I have. Occasionally, we hear sighs, but that is life. We are exposed to the material world and there is nothing wrong with all that I mentioned. If it is what makes someone happy, then go for it. Someday, I will soon shift focus. Isn't that life? A cycle of carefree living to responsibility. We have to have it all.
My milestones may not be your idea of milestones. But, sharing an ice cream cone the beginning of Spring with KC is a milestone, spending an hour at the Barnes and Noble with Christopher without buying anything is one, watching the Animal Planet with Josh munching granola is definitely one too! These are my milestones now. I do not have to wait for a life changing event to label it a milestone, or a special person worth putting out expensive china for, or the Leaning Tower of Pisa as a background for my pictures, I take pictures all the time. My favorite is Chris and KC holding hands while walking! What a shot!
For everyone, life's greatness need not be the next milestones. Life's essentials are! Make life as milestone itself. What could be more remarkable than life?
Ciao!
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Since then, he has won another competition, and tested for IQ.. let me not start with that!
