The title speaks for itself. I definitely would have a lot of things to say about being lost. Let me focus for now about my being LOST… in the realm of what I want to do in my life, professionally. Isn’t that completely insane? Thirty one years of complete earthling life and I haven’t gotten a clue about me, what I honestly want, where I desire to be or when do I do things I really want. Regretfully, I have not been very adventurous about the things I have so far done in my life. Let me elaborate, first I went on to follow what peole were doing in college, go the safe route, healthcare field. For Filipino families, I find it funny that we tend to be a family of nurses, doctors, dentists and so forth. I am a Medical Technologist, I chose this profession, don’t get me wrong, I love it and I take pride of it. But, did I really think about it? Did I think of my capabilities and strenghts before embarking? As I said, I wanted to go easy way, no struggles against the will of my parents, particularly my father. I remember my tatang (father) telling me that if I pursued Mass Communications as major in college, it would get me nowhere, because we were not well connected, I was not a pretty face, nor am I from the big city where that profession abounds. No words said… ” wen Tatang” (yes Father)… was all I could muster. Should have I insisted on my decision? I would not be lost… if I had, or no?
I am satisfied with where I am right now. I work for Children’s Hospital Boston, a world renowned healthcare facility, climbing the ladder of success. I have taken all possible steps to excel in my profession. I took certification I do not necessarily need for my career advancement, but much more for my personal satisfaction. Yeah, you all, I can do it. Almost all of my college friends are doctors now. Am I envious? Absolutely! But I am not envious in a way you would think. I envy their courage and strenght to pursue what they want. I know a few of them were just forced into it just like me, by overzealous parents who are MDs themselves, nevertheless, they made it. Not me.
I wanted to be a broadcast journalist… now you all know. I have this burning feeling inside of me to be the face of truth and the champion of justice, in what way was this related to broadcast journalism, I can not fathom until now. I know my desire is also fueled by my strenghts. I know I can never be corrupted, nor be easily swayed by overpowering masculine society, I just know deep inside me, I could have been a shining example of a ” probinsiyana” who champions the poor, made it big to the big city, yet has remained honest and simple. Or is it? Maybe i could have changed, what with the power that fame and fortune brings. Maybe I will be surrounded by arrogance and I start acting it, like it was second skin. Just maybe, I learned that life is not that simple, or maybe I was just so good in adapting that when I did get big, I absorbed everything that came with it, big head, big ego, big paycheck, big credit.
I am still in limbo. I want to be in Florida, or California, build my life there. I want to go to Spain and Thailand, before I forget, I want to go to San Francisco. I want to be a journalist even in my little corner of the world.
Now, you have met me. Will you stay with me to nourish my dream? I will never be found, because a spirit like me never rests, it never anchors, stays afloat. I will always be lost but never unhappy.
Ciao, enjoy blogging..
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